He walks in to a room, your heart skips a beat, palms are sweaty, he asks for your name. You respond with a hint of flirtation rolling off your tongue. No, this isn’t a scene from a romantic comedy staring Jimmy Stewart, or even my gal JLo. These are the butterflies that have sadly been replaced with “I don’t give a F**k” or even “Sorry not Sorry,” just to name a few. These feelings used to live within us and, sadly, died with our braces and True Religion jeans. Do you remember when your 9th grade crush ask to borrow a pencil in Algebra class?
I never realized how removed our human interaction has became and nor did I care to. much. Until I boarded a flight to Australia. A Wired Magazine article titled “12 Tales of Getting It On In The Digital Age” quickly caught my eye. The alluring cover was neon green and had such a rough texture – I had to buy it.
My usual “girlie” magazines took a backseat. Wired Magazine had a great article on sex and how it has changed due to our rapid adaptation to and consumption of technology. Everything I was reading seemed to be exactly what my friends and I were going through. I continued to dive deeper.
The article was just as eye opening as its cover. The information washed over me like the sea. It got my mind, body and soul working. Last week, I started to reflect about how sex and relationships really have changed. Coming from Los Angeles where everyone is beautiful and tan to now living in NYC where everyone is beautiful and rich- doesn’t leave much room for error.
Now, I am not going to be some crazy feminist because honestly, that’s not my style. However, I will say that just on a human level we are becoming less and less connected and our relationships are suffering.
“He is too short” or “He was such an a**hole but I’ll give it another chance” are a few phrases we’ve heard before and there are two sides to every story. What about “She didn’t put out what a waste of time” or “Hold up bro I’m double booking tonight?” We give ourselves so many rules and too many excuses.
If you enjoy having sex you are a slut, if you want to be respectable and nice to a lady you’re a chump. How do we all somehow land up in the often dreaded friend zone?
How can anyone win anymore? I’m single and roaming the streets of NYC. Now, like most people, time is very limited and dating isn’t one of my strongest electives. Yet, as I stay in and order Seamless about 4 times a week, there are singles swiping “right” and dating way left. Tinder, OK Cupid, and Plenty of Fish are all designed for us. Yet, I can’t relate to any of these sites. They, to me, are false advertising. I can’t sum myself up in 5 sentences – let alone 50.
These days we want to put our best foot (and self) forward, even if that means at the end it isn’t really who we are. I have been single for 3 1/2 years and I love it. I really got to know myself, while I became wildly independent. I know exactly what I want and who I want at this point. If we want to date, we should embrace each other’s emotions and ideology instead of just seeking a hot piece of ass. Nowadays, we all want to be in the driver’s seat and switching lanes any time we please. Caution- seat belts are not required on the highway of dating.
Recently, I had a blast from the past call me up. It was flattering for about 20 seconds until I remember the way things ended. It went from being hot and heavy while snuggled in a booth of a fancy French restaurant to him getting wasted at a “boozy” brunch while hugging and kissing a “friend.”
It’s funny how nice dates can go from charming to chimpanzee in a matter of minutes. Our phone call only lasted about 10 mins, as our awkward small chat was getting in the way of my quiet night in. I too am a product of dating in the digital age, and these days I get my instant comfort from the delivery man and Netflix. At times I wonder if Generation “Y” would be so damn attractive and unavailable if Instagram filters never existed . . .
Will social media dictate our daily routine? Will the days of ladies looking like their tagged photos soon be upon us? Will men give up their seat on a crowed L train? I guess our FB relationship status will speak the truth, as if it were the morning NASDAQ.
Stay- Sexy, Crazy, Cool.
In the following Podcast clip below, FYS partners Deandra Miranda and TK talk about the difference of meeting and hanging out with people in New York and Los Angeles:
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